Our Skin

I have severe dermatillomania and I spend about an hour every...

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:08:25 -0400

I have severe dermatillomania and I spend about an hour every day in front of the mirror, picking at my arms, thighs, shoulders, and mostly chest and breasts. I do it unconsciously too throughout the day when I’m writing or drawing or whatever. I have mild acne, but I also have extremely pale and red skin that makes what acne I have and my keratosis pilaris twice as evident. I am size 8-12 and I am self-conscious about my weight, but I get compliments on my large breasts. I had a sexually abusive ex who loved my breasts and seemingly nothing else about my body. Now that my picking has gotten so bad, I think I use it intentionally to damage my breasts, knowing they are one of the only positive reactions in fat-shaming culture to “curvy” or “bigger” women. I see that my skin on my breasts is flawed, so I pick at them trying to “perfect” them, knowing somewhat unconsciously that they will only look worse in the end. I know that most of my issues with my body that can’t be fixed without a long-term lifestyle change, so I see the ability to pop a pimple as a way to get a tiny imperfection out of my body right this second. I am relieved when the pore is empty and see it as a tiny defeat against the never-ending war with my body.

I have talked to a school counselor and to my parents and some friends about this, but no one seems to understand how big of a deal it is. I deal with all of my anxiety and self-esteem by picking. If I see or feel a pimple or a bump I cannot do ANYTHING until I can get away to go pick at it in front of a mirror. It is my “thing.” I almost don’t want it to go away, because then what will I do every night? How will I deal with my anxiety? How will I cope? How will I be able to look at my pimples and blackheads without trying to make them go away?

I wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THIS BLOG AND TO ALL OF THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE ON IT. This disease is misunderstood, underestimated, and so lonesome. You all have made me feel like part of a community about something I have struggled with by myself my whole life. Good luck to you all and thank you so much for your time if you have read my story.

P.S. I’m not submitting anonymously… So anyone who knows me in real life, hi now you know a lot about me whoops

creaturebloom

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:07:50 -0400

little skin poem. hoping someone can relate. mmyeah :*

hiding red, white, brown, blue
pustules, veins, blushing, color
webs, this living map, i
hate, i hate, hate me, i
sweat this me, slick with
anxiety, i hope you won’t notice
don’t notice me, not that one,
the pieces i hide here blooming
one mark . named beauty
this one . disease
hide it, here, creams for this, leave house,
drugstore, broke, magazine-seen creams
stealing creams, these creams the color
of an average of skin, cover that bloom
sweat, leave house
sweat, look in mirror
look in every reflective surface
look for you
preen and break and bend
cover and hurt, this shame, i
am all shame sometimes
can anyone love this?
hold this?
disgusting / rough / smooth / pus
red, veins broken, too many colors
i keep being told to be one color, i
wonder who could want to touch my skin, i
touch my skin all the time, this
will never be static
world breaking and bending me, me
choosing to change myself
i am too many colors, all these colors me
blooming, breaking, dry and wet
me whole and hurting, skin a map
me cartography of human, you
someone that could hold me, we
always given the option to hold
ourselves, whole
in what we are
human, here, finally

SUMMER SEASON !

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 21:00:53 -0400

Summer season is time when I have to uncover my parts that I’ve tried to hide for the past months. And even though it is terribly embarrassing, humiliating and awkward, I’d rather expose myself than shy away from all beach/pool and other bikini-involving activities.

My first problem is acne on my back. It’s terrible, believe me, my whole back is covered with dark red circles from old acnes and, of course, fresh pimples. It’s embarrassing to say but my acne problem goes down to my butt, which I’m really ashamed of.

Another problem is my legs skin. You see, I was born into a terribly hairy girl and I started complexing at the young age. That was when I started shaving and I did it wrong - now I suffer from ingrown hair, that leaves big marks or pimples right on my legs.

Despite my skin awkwardness, I decided to live my summer to the maximum by wearing shorts, bikinis and other clothes that don’t cover up my skin.
It’s not that easy, specially when you hear people commenting or laughing rudely, but what can I do? If mainstream industries have shaped a perfect woman with baby-butt skin, it doesn’t mean that we, real women, can’t enjoy life just because we don’t fit to that fake model .

Hey, Our Skin owner! About a month ago you published a picture of my dermatillomania-ravaged chest....

Sat, 25 May 2013 22:39:51 -0400

Hey, Our Skin owner!

About a month ago you published a picture of my dermatillomania-ravaged chest. Just wanted to let you know that I am on the up & up…It has now been over 3 months since my last rampage. Who knows if the scars will ever totally go away…But I am trying to accept myself as-is.

I’ve really taken comfort reading all the entries here. I see that everyone secretly has -something- going on, in a society that values hiding your flaws away. If there’s one upside to this whole 10 or 15-year thing, I think it’s that I’ve become non-judgmental. I won’t stand for anyone being made fun of, because I know that “weirdness” lurks in me, beneath a few layers of clothes.

I’m rooting for everyone here. I hope this blog keeps opening minds. We need it,

i have moderate stress-induced psoriasis on my elbows and around...

Sun, 12 May 2013 21:03:58 -0400

i have moderate stress-induced psoriasis on my elbows and around my ears. i keep my hair down and usually wear long sleeves, but it gets tough in the summer. people either point it out automatically, and ask why i can’t make it go away, or claim to never notice (which i find highly farfetched.) it’s not contagious, or gross. it’s just an excess of skin, that turns a lot of people off it seems. i’ve struggled with it my whole life, and have always been so embarrassed by it. i hold my elbows in public, which i assume makes me look pissed with my arms folded over my chest, and i don’t let people touch my ears. i don’t think of it as anything gross, but the more people comment on it and ask me about it, the more conscious i get about it. seeing people with similar problems on this page has helped me profoundly, because i’d never met anyone with skin problems that they can’t help but have before, so it’s a sigh of relief to realize that i’m not alone…thank you.

This site..

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:57:59 -0400

This place is such an inspiration, I have had seborrheic dermatitis since jr. high. It started on my scalp, which at the time I thought it was just dandruff, but later moved to my face. It got to the point where I wouldn’t look people in the face because it surrounded my eyes ( brow and nose and under eyes). Now I am almost 21 and it is worse then it ever was back then but I don’t care as much. I take it day to day, some good and some bad, but this blog has definitely made for a lot more good days. SIDE NOTE: I am a girl and I have never worn make up to cover my seborrhea up, no matter how bad it gets. This is how I am and I refuse to cover up to impress someone who won’t like/ love me for who I am!!

i genuinely cried looking at this blog. aside from the size of my stomach and my body hair, my skin imperfectons (stretch marks, discolouring, eczema, terrible pores, etc) are my biggest insecurity, and i've always been able to find places which are positive towards the other two, leaving me with my insecurities about my skin to deal with alone. this blog is amazing, and i'll definitely be turning to it to help me with my self-love. thank you so much xxx

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:57:42 -0400

Hello beautiful babies! I have a question I’m hoping...

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:57:24 -0400

Hello beautiful babies! I have a question I’m hoping someone can help me with. I have eczema, trich, tinea versicolor and tinea pedis, but last summer I started developing something new and I’ve been unable to figure out what it is despite a ton of research online and attempts at treating it with both my eczema creams and my tinea treatments.

Last summer it started as a small flat red spot on one shin, which in turn sprouted a few more small flat red spots around it. They spread to my other shin about a month later, and have just continued slowly spreading ever since, though never off of their original starting position of the front of my shins. They appear bright red initially and over time fade to more of a peach, but never go away. when they turn peach they get a bit dry on top, but exfoliating just seems to aggravate them all over again. They never raise up, the only time there’s any texture at all is when they get dry.

Does anyone know what this might be? I love my skin and want it to be happy, but I don’t know what to do :(

xoxo, Shannon

This is my keloid scar. I have had it since I was very young,...

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:57:09 -0400

This is my keloid scar. I have had it since I was very young, and have tried treatments ranging from topical creams to injections to lasers, but nothing seems to work. Sometimes it itches terribly and other times it sends sharp, shooting pains throughout my entire chest. Until I was 18, I rarely wore anything with a neckline lower than a t-shirt because people often asked me if I had cancer or a skin disease. It’s taken me a long time to learn to be okay with it. This is part of that effort.

hi, this blog is really great and i'm getting kind of teary reading the posts. i've struggled with trichotillomania and dermatillomania since late elementary school (and have only recently started to talk to people other than my parents and doctor about them), and just listening to people talk about how much they like their body hair and stretch marks is inspiring me to try and get more confident about my own.

Sun, 05 May 2013 13:12:39 -0400

This is so heartwarming for me!!! I too developed trich and dermatillomania in elementary school and created this blog because I kept meeting folks who thought they were the only ones pulling and picking. It’s that silence and isolation that breeds shame and fear, but we don’t have to live like that!

You’re not alone and we’re stronger than we think <3

to the person with seborrheic dermatitis—oiling my hair and scalp with neem oil regularly has...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 14:24:15 -0400

to the person with seborrheic dermatitis—oiling my hair and scalp with neem oil regularly has really really really helped me

I’ve had dermatillomania for ten years, now. My scars and...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 14:06:13 -0400

I’ve had dermatillomania for ten years, now. My scars and scabs, which encompass both breasts, my upper arms, and inner thighs, have always been a source of embarrassment for me, but I’m learning to accept and love myself just the way I am. Finding you amazing people has definitely helped me realize that beauty is more than skin deep.

I've had what I guess you could call derma and trich for pretty much my life. In elementary school, I would pull out my hair instead of paying attention, which gradually turned into me clawing at my skin. It's gotten better after my recent ADD diagnosis, with meds I've been noticeably less compulsive.I've also found a very satisfying alternative to skin picking for me is to pop bubble wrap. I'm really happy I found this blog, it's reassuring to see others dealing with skin insecurities as well

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 11:40:09 -0400

These are my breasts. No one has seen them since before I...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 11:27:33 -0400

These are my breasts. No one has seen them since before I started picking. The scars you see are from over 10 years of dermatillomania, in which I picked at pimples, bumps, whatever. Things would get infected, and then I’d have to squeeze out all the bad stuff. The negative thoughts fueled the picking, which made my self-esteem plummet even further. I have been “clean” for over two months now, though I am not above popping the occasional pimple, which explains the red marks. They used to be so, so much worse. I fantasize about having totally clear skin, and being “normal.” Whoever can look past my skin will have my undying love and loyalty, but for now, I’m covering up.

andreahasalotoffeelings: These are my scars. It took me a long time to ever really look at them...

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 00:21:57 -0400

andreahasalotoffeelings:

These are my scars.

It took me a long time to ever really look at them because I wanted to pretend that they were not there. As my stitches healed, I somehow forgot to put on any cream to lighten the scars so for awhile they were darker then this.

I remember at a point I was getting dressed and my ex lover said “your breast are so beautiful and perky, but you should of put on the cream so the scars would’t be so dark”

I put on my shirt as fast as I could and I whispered “yeah I know”, his words replayed in my head for a long time, and although he didn’t say it in a malicious way, it was something that stuck within me.

I’m not sure what it was or is but I learned to embrace my scars, they represent imperfection, they represent things that women have to go through to release themselves from pain, they remind me that I once struggled with back pains and emotional pains about my breast, they remind me that I am not perfect , that no one is. They are beautiful.

I am scarred but I am not scarred.

These are my scars.

re: the seborrheic dermatitis question- i've tried the same things but none of those work! i also tried neem shampoo, other people said it worked for them. the only thing that works for me is kerium shampoo- the red one, from la roche posay. i've tried all-natural and cheaper ways but haven't had any luck (which i hate). good luck!

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 12:08:11 -0400

to the person who has sebhorric dermatitis- try coconut oil? it hasn't worked for me personally, but a lot of people swear by it. (massage a palmful into the scalp and leave it for about 30 minutes, then shampoo out)

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 21:20:14 -0400

Anyone have any tips for seborrheic dermatitis of the scalp? Mine refuses to let up, and I've tried 1000 different things, nothing has so much as relieved it. Tea tree oil, apple cider vinegar, zinc, ketoconazole, prescription steroid lotions, even switching to a nearly vegan diet. Absolutely no improvement, in fact it's spreading and worsening. My anxiety and tendency to skin pick skyrockets when it flares up, it's becoming a complete nightmare. Any tips, please message me!

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 16:44:08 -0400

Followers??

I have dyshidrotic eczema which mostly manifests on my hands. ...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:45:51 -0400

I have dyshidrotic eczema which mostly manifests on my hands. These are close up of the blisters on the palms of my hand and one finger.

Things that help are drying my hands thoroughly right after they get wet and avoiding letting them soak in water. I use paper towels on my hands instead of a dish towel because the paper gets them drier. Then I apply a nice bland moisturizing cream (whipped shea butter is the bomb).

I try to wear gloves when washing dishes. If I can’t, I make sure to rinse my hands thoroughly and dry them very carefully (soap residue is irritating).

I have prescription steroid cream which helps once the blisters appear. I’ve also used calendula cream and diaper rash cream to help soothe the itching.

As long as you are not allergic to sulfa medicine, you could try silver sulfamide. It's normally for burns, but it still works by introducing oxygen to the wound site and speeding heal time.

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 19:54:40 -0400